Author: Andrew Fox
Publisher: Ballantine Books
Review: Larry
The typical vampire story , no matter how wild the plot, has one thing in common with all other vampire stories: the vamps are all portrayed as Brad Pitt look-alikes with sometimes dubious sexual preferences (my opinion is the author is usually a fat mid-western housewife writing down her sexual fantasies). Well, Fat White Vampire Blues definitely breaks that mold.
Taking place in modern day New Orleans, the story revolves around Jules, an anti-hero that you can’t help but root for. Central to the story is the thought that “you are what you eat”. So what happens when your “food” is the populace of New Orleans, the city with the dubious reputation as “the fattest city in the country”? In an area known for deep frying everything, the populace is understandably “large”. Enter Jules, who is an unapologetic 463 pound taxi driver that likes to buy his victim a big, greasy meal so that the blood he drinks later his loaded with triglycerides. Naturally, this “diet” has resulted in Jules being fat. But Jules has a new problem. See, New Orleans is 80 percent black so naturally most of his victims are black. Enter a new and powerful vampire to the New Orleans scene: Malice X. Malice shows up and says “his people” are off-limits to Jules and that Jules will have to stick to only white victims. Jules doesn’t like the idea but, like all fatties, was planning on going on a diet anyways. And like all fatties on a diet, he rapidly falls off the wagon. Shortly thereafter, Malice burns Jules’ home and is chasing Jules all over town.
What is not apparent in my synopsis is the personality of Jules. He is an ordinary working stiff with the best of intentions that things just continually turn bad for. This makes Jules a very comedic fall guy. The story is loaded with situational humor and is one of those books that demands to be read in one sitting. You will lose sleep if you start it at night.
One of my favorite scenes is Jules is stuck (wedged) in the back seat of his 70’s era Cadillac on top of his latest victim, and the neighborhood patrol shows up. Not being able to see the victim underneath Jules, they try to pull Jules out by his feet. Jules’ idea is to turn into a bat. Jules does, clambers out from the pile of clothes and intends on flying out the door into the night. He spreads his wings, flaps and falls off the seat onto the floorboard of the car. So Jules scurries out of the car and runs across the ground with the do-gooders in pursuit, wondering if Jules was a nutria (a swamp rat) with wings. The imagery is priceless!
There is an equally good sequel to this book called Bride of the Fat White Vampire and if you read Fat White Vampire Blues, you will definitely put it on your “to do” list
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